Recently, I had the honor — the pleasure to again join with Protestant pastors in the area where I live. I joined with them for prayer-before-breakfast, followed by a book-sharing discussion. The book is a provocative one that clergy everywhere would do well to look at — it’s called Un-Christianand written by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons. At any rate, we finished our Christian clergy meeting with a business discussion of various pastoral and budget matters for this fellowship group.

These ministers are decidedly Evangelical as to style, including Baptists, Methodists, a Four Square Gospel Church and other faiths. I was the only Catholic representative. Morning prayer with these men is very ‘free-form’ — voicing expression of what is on their minds and hearts. We lifted up all area churches, programs for youth, those who are sick…. we prayed for America, for the elections, for elected officials, etc. There was prayer for our own sinfulness and failures. I find myself quite comfortable in this milieu — although you would guess it to be quite different than our Catholic forms of prayer… different of course than our worship in a liturgical setting.

Have you been around evangelical-oriented believers? I have read recently that the characteristics of these believers include the call for all to come to a conversion in their lives. (Seems to me that’s the way John the Baptist and Jesus started their missions!). Evangelical folks call for a renunciation of a passionless Christianity — do we not recall the words of Jesus about being lukewarm? Of course the Bible means a great deal to these folks — as it does or should to us.

You might ask why I bring this topic up on this Catholic Family Podcast venue? One of the Spirit-filled Protestant Churches in the Midwest would seem to be the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. (Which is not to be confused with the IHOP that many know after weekend Mass attendance!) The K.C. leader is Mike Bickle — and he has written about having a passion for Jesus. Here’s a quote from pastor Mike: “Passionless Christianity, so common today, is no threat to the devil. Focused on concepts and activities to the neglect of heartfelt affection and obedience to God, it brings no pleasure to God’s heart. It doesn’t bring pleasure (even) to the believer. But true Christianity sparks a flame in human spirit. It ignites the heart with holy fervency for Jesus.”

Did you catch those words about people having a ‘focus on concepts and activities?’ Hmmm… I sometimes feel that way about our churches. You know: we must have a women’s group… or we must have a men’s association. We need a director of religious education… Yes — these are important ideas in an organized parish or church. But if I said we had an opening for someone to lead a program called ‘Falling in love with Jesus all over again,’ I wonder who would show up? Who would want to volunteer?

The words from Scripture about being lukewarm come back to me often. It seems to me that many who are in parish organizations enter them because they have somehow become convinced that ‘organization’ is what the church is about. Well… call me evangelical…. or call me Charismatic… or call me anti-organization… what I sometimes wish to see is the spirit and zeal like that we often see in new parents. Brand new parents who are on fire with the potential of a new child God has given them. I’d like to see this in our Catholic worship… I’d like to see it in some of our church organizations.

I just read an article about a Catholic Church that doesn’t have pews or benches in part of the main area of the church. It’s carpeted and people can kneel or sit on their haunches during Mass. Some folks kneel, and during the Consecration, they bend at the waist and put their heads down on the carpet. Yes, I’ll bet it sounds strange to most Catholic folk… but where this action comes from is a passionate demonstration of the reality of Christ-present during the holiest of moments this side of eternity. In another church that I was a part of for awhile, I saw ladies who always… always double-genuflected — meaning they genuflected on both knees when they came into church or were leaving. Why? To honor God and to atone for those who don’t even bother to genuflect as they walk past the tabernacle or on entry or exit from pews. How does this make you feel?

Well — this isn’t a radical or veiled request to rip out the pews in our churches. No such thing! It’s a prayerful hope for some who read this to be inspired. To want to add passionate faith practice to their lives. And if they begin to do that, maybe this ‘exposed’ passion and love for Christ will carry over into passionate parenting and passionate caring for others. May any who heed this call recognize that the rewards for doing this are almost certain not to come in the here-and-now — but will come after the final curtain. That’s okay… it really is. Because passionate worship and the fire of real love is what awaits those who join the eternal kingdom that Jesus promised. (Note: I’ve already asked Jesus if I can be on the praise-team in the next life!)

Pastor Mike Bickle said that God intended our souls to be captured, consumed and enthralled with Jesus. Does your family worship and home life seem passionate and enthralling? How would you like a change? Tell Jesus you’d like to put your head down — maybe starting just a little bit during the consecration. Tipping your body toward his throne… his tabernacle. That might just start something new and passionate in your heart. Can I get an AMEN on that?

Blessings. Deacon Tom

www.deacontomonline.com

www.catholicfamilypodcast.com

www.catholicmoments.com

www.catholicmom.com

(Even With Those We Disagree With)

Hi Catholic Family… Blessings of August and the twilight of the summer of 2008! Can you believe that in the Arizona town where we live, the schools started on July 30^th? Holy Moses – I seem to remember that summer vacations were always from Memorial Day till Labor Day plus or minus a few days. What in the world is going on? Which has nothing to do with anything – certainly not the topic of eating together.

Some of you may know of the Catholic columnist (and author I think) named Pat Wargocki. I see her columns in the Tucson Diocese Newsletter (NEW VISION) and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her writings elsewhere. At any rate – she had a column some time ago on The Importance of Eating Together. We could make a complete column and podcast show on just that topic. How often do you get together for a real family meal? Do you pray before you start? Do you hold hands while you pray? Do you give everyone at the table a turn at leading prayer?  Do you have the television on during the meal? Do you have any family customs associated with eating your meals? Customs such as someone bringing a topic to the table so that it can be discussed? Things like that.

Pat Wargocki’s column described a scene that might be all too familiar in America. A friend told Pat of a son invited to a friend’s house for dinner. The supper was a buffet setup by the family pool. The mom had to leave to go to a meeting.

The father of the house made up his own food platter and left to go inside to watch football on TV. A young sister in the family fixed her plate and went to her room so she could eat and talk with her girlfriend on the phone. So the boy, the invited guest and his young pal sat by the pool and ate their meal alone. Holy Moses moms and dads – do we need any more examples or indications of what’s going wrong with family life?

Our children are grown and away from under our roof – but even my dear wife Dee and I sometimes get caught up in the ‘you eat when you want and I’ll get something if I’m hungry.’ I hope we didn’t instill or allow much of that when our kids were young. I don’t think so.

You have likely heard this before:  We Christians – our faith is grafted on to the Jewish Faith. And Jews knew the importance – the holy relevance of meals shared together. I often think of that wonderful movie Fiddler on the Roof and I remember their meals – sacred experiences and lives shared.

Jesus was a Jew. And we know that fellowship… being at table with his friends… his family… this was so important to Him. Important enough that He left us a memorial to show us what it means to be family and come together. In the Church setting – we call it the Mass and Jesus serves us Himself – completely. Eating together is so important. Giving everyone a voice and a chance to share about their day… about what comes to mind… about plans and dreams for coming times. I’ll bet Jesus and His ‘family’ did this.

These days, parents can and should share about their memories from childhood or their families of origin. Kids love hearing stories about when their parents or the grandparents were growing up. How they got into scrapes or jams… how they were corrected for mistakes. Trips they took. And yes, I may be painting too lovely a picture when some meals involve cranky, fussy babies or spoiled teens – but the goal – the hope is that we send them off with the memory that the family that prayed (and ate) together, stayed together.

Which brings me to a short closing thought. I have recently joined a regional Christian Ministerial Alliance in our community. Clergy from different Christian churches — we are members of a separated – some might say, a broken family – just as brokenness often comes to our human families. But I am so pleased and honored to pray with them and to be with them and give witness to the fact that we are still family. We may, as we pray or we break bread – we may say something that sounds like criticism of another family member. Or maybe it’s just something that ruffles the feathers of areas of disagreement. But like hosting a prodigal child who comes out from the bedroom after a period of separation – let us welcome the other person into our hearts and our circle of love. I don’t mean this to imply that our separated brothers and sisters are like prodigal children – I just mean that there are areas that have caused breech in our unity. Let us love them… let them love us. Let us have meals (not including our Eucharist of course) and common prayer and dialogue. Let us do our best to love as family loves.

Some time ago, Father Thomas Bokenkotter wrote these words:

What Unites Us

Despite the divisions and differences within the Christian family, there are obvious common elements and bonds we should not lose sight of: We all turn to Christ as a source of meaning, value and healing for humankind. We all revere the Gospels and other books of the New Testament, which present a basic vision we can all share. We all turn to Christ through prayer and believe in the importance of prayer. We can focus more on what we have in common, on how we can pray together and join in common projects for building a more just world upon the values of Christ. The Christian family tree has the same roots: Christ and the Old and New Testaments.

I think this applies to our at-home families as well. Let us all gather at the table and refresh and restore our love of family. Would someone pass me the mashed potatoes, please?

Blessings. Deacon Tom

www.deacontomonline.com

www.catholicfamilypodcast.com

www.catholicmoments.com

www.catholicmom.com

Dear friends of the Catholic Family Podcasts:

Blessings of these mid-summer days. May the Lord bless you all… and in a human way of wishing you well – may your air conditioning never fail and may your nights be cool enough to open the windows!

The topic I want to try to work on today and for this month is the topic of family life – generally - and family life among Catholics. To set the tone or stage for this – let me tell you that I have a good friend, a holy man, a husband and father who is ‘totally Catholic’ and is raising a wonderful family. He works in a chancery for a diocese. He is extremely well read and he has good contacts within and outside of the Church. I lead with these thoughts so you and I might try to pay attention to some of what he says about the state of family life in America. I’ll call him ‘A’ – and for the sake of brevity – I’m editing some of his comments.

Deacon Tom (DT): If you were to give a state of the union address on Christian families, what would you say and what would you recommend?
(A): God wants us to have happy fun filled families where time is spent around the breakfast and dinner table telling fun stories and praying together.  [So much of family life seems dominated by the world of entertainment. TV’s are on, kids play games during meal or family time, or they do text-messaging, etc.]  We should not let the entertainment industry rob us of these [true family] kinds of joys.

So great vigilance is needed if we would have happy families. This means that parents should listen to the little voice inside that warns them when something is not quite right with a school program, or a group of friends, or with the amount of time children spend watching TV or playing video games.  Do not be afraid to speak out and protect the innocence of those entrusted to your care while they are young, and to protect their honor when they are older.

This kind of vigilance requires great sacrifices, trials, and even suffering rejection by those we most love. But the happiness of our families and the holiness which God calls us to, requires that we stand firm and do not lose heart.  When we protect our families, they become a school of love in which everyone learns to rely on the Lord. Those who know the joy and sense of honor that only such a school provides are the ones who give hope to society, who become a light that shines in the darkness.  America needs this light today more than ever.

(DT): Your words and comments suggest a sort of heaviness or darkness regarding [Catholic or general] family life in America. How would you respond?

(A): Catholic families are suffering in the same ways as families in the general population. Contraception, abortion, pornography and divorce have desecrated almost everyone’s extended family if they have not already crept into one’s immediate family situation. Perhaps because of this, parents (and society in general) are not confident in their particular competency in their own children’s lives.

As a result, moms, dads and their children do not have a healthy sense of their dignity and honor, and without a personal sense of honor, it is difficult to offer and cultivate the sacrificial love that family life demands.  Families need to rediscover what it means to be “a school of love.”

(DT): I just wrote a column for a Catholic Mom’s site (www.catholicmom.com) and I wrote about Sacrificial Love. It’s a different way of looking at the call to ‘tough love.’

(A): Families a couple generations ago did not suffer the kinds of things that families do today, at least not to the same extent.  Furthermore, Catholic families tended to practice more piety within the home. Practices like the family rosary helped parents hold things together even when it seemed impossible.  It was also true that parents did not need to compete with an entertainment industry in educating children in family values.

Finally, parents were more confident about their role and their ability to be mom and dad for their children.  This is true in general of course.  I think there were plenty of families where important values, including the life of faith, were already eroded.  Although there were probably more vestiges of a Christian society than we enjoy today, there were already great cultural struggles taking place two and three generations ago that got us to the place where we are today.

(DT): You have studied areas of success in ‘fighting the good fight.’ I’ve seen your words on Mother Teresa of Calcutta, Therese of Lisieux, etc. Can you share any practical words to end this interview?

(A): [Catholic families… Christian families are called] to cultivate reliance on the Lord; families need to spend more time in prayer together. Going to Mass and Confession regularly is important. But on a daily basis praying a family Rosary and spending time in common prayer before bedtime [or in the morning] is vital.  At least, this is my experience. This period of prayer allows the Lord to communicate to each member of the family a sense of honor and purpose as well as the other resources needed for sacrificial loving.  When families pray together, the entertainment industry cannot compete because children and parents taste something that is more meaningful and fulfilling.

(DT): Thank you dear (A) – your words are at times somber and challenging. Yet they are filled with a hope to return to the values that were so important years ago – and they are still so much more important today.
Blessings. Deacon Tom

www.deacontomonline.com

Catholic Family Chaplain

www.deacontomonline.com

Hello and blessings! By the time you read this, your Catholic Family deacon will be on the road to re-creation. That’s what the Servant of God Catherine Doherty called summer vacation: re-creation… a time to re-create ourselves through time away from the work-a-day world that has occupied us for perhaps fifty prior weeks or more. Catherine is the foundress of Madonna House – an apostolate of men, women and priests in northern Canada and around the world. Catherine wrote that ‘doing things together makes us know and love each other more. (Vacation) joy binds us, and laughter cements our relations.’

Interested in a unique and almost no-cost summer vacation idea? Would you and your family be interested in a way to bring Christ and his Mother along on your family vacation? No less than Pope Pius XII was the inspiration for the Madonna House founding of Cana Colony – a (virtually) free summer vacation in a rural wooded lakeside setting in Canada. Each family is assigned a simple cabin. Other vacationing families are nearby. Although in separate cabins, the week throws families of different backgrounds together and great friendships are made. The presence of a priest adds tremendously to the graces of the week through the Eucharist and Sacraments as well as the discussions on the practical application of the Gospel to their family life.’ If this sounds ‘too churchy’ – be assured there’s plenty of free time for swimming, hiking, games and cookouts.

The summer weeks that this free program is offered usually book up quickly and it may well be too late for this year. But if it sounds interesting or you’d like more information, you can go to the Madonna House website which is at www.madonnahouse.org/programs/cana.html

As a sidenote: If you don’t have a family and would like a wonderful and inspiring vacation alternative – consider a week or two of a working retreat at Madonna House in Canada. My wife did this once and it is a holy, inspiring and fun way to spend time with the loving folks of this great community. Okay – on to other thoughts….

If you were to poll our four kids about summer vacations – they would likely tell you about their favorites from our early family years. Perhaps it was the houseboat rental on a clear lake in the Ozarks? Perhaps the time we rented a lakeside cabin and a fish pulled an unattended fishing pole into the lake? We families need these vacation times – and God will help give us the graces to enjoy these times… We need to remember to take Him along.

Now I would guess that this will seem completely unrelated – but if possible, I’d like to propose that you consider some way to let the grandchildren – your kids spend time with their grandparents this summer. There is a special magic form of re-creation that happens when young ones are able to spend a week or more (alone) with their grandparents.

Carey – a seven year old puts it this way: “Grandparents are real happy to see kids because they don’t see them all the time…. Parents are different. They see their kids all the time.” (Isn’t that the sad truth?) And six year old Mandy says “Some of the best people I ever met are grandparents.” And Luther, her older brother said, “Grandparents make you feel good and they never, ever laugh at you.”

An aging Victor Hugo once said, “winter is on my head, but spring is in my heart.” The grandkids get a chance to meet and learn about a new and different form of being young-at-heart… they get a glimpse of what is important to an earlier generation. Grandkids learn about not going to the supermarket without the coupons… and getting to the restaurant so you’re in time for the ‘early-bird’ specials…

Grandkids get to help make cookies and muffins or clean the garage. They learn to not take the last hot dog on the dinner table without asking if someone else would like it. Grandkids learn about the love of a God-like figure who loves with no reservations… no holding back.

Over this summer, as we journey to a New Mexico wedding, Missouri, (Franciscan University in Steubenville Ohio and Pennsylvania, we will be in prayer for you. May God re-create you and your family.

Deacon Tom.

www.deacontomonline.com

STRONGER HUSBANDS – CLOSER WIVES – BETTER MARRIAGES

Hello and blessings! Your Catholic Family Chaplain Deacon Tom sends prayerful and Lenten ‘fish-fry’ greetings to all of you. Gosh - Lent will be over soon, won’t it? I hope you’ve been experiencing a holy, reflective Lent - journeying into the recesses of the spiritual person you are called to be … the person you are invited to become.

As I prepare this column that crosses from the period of Lent into the glory of the Risen Lord, in part, I want to aim my words at husbands. The goal? A resurrection of the abiding love and respect for our wives (or girlfriends, if single) … and for daughters of the listeners to Catholic Family Podcast. Stick with me because women can be involved in this too. And it’s all about closer relationships and better marriages. This is certainly a big job to tackle in these few pages of monthly e-column. I wonder how many of you have heard of the organization known as e5 Special Forces? Let me explain. In his letter to the Ephesians, St. Paul charged men to subordinate ourselves to our spouses as a sign of reverence for Christ. And with this in mind, some time ago, a group of men formed this e5 Men organization encouraging us to take at least one day a month - usually the first Wednesday and to FAST for our wives as a sign of sacrifice - presenting her to the Lord by your actions of self denial. I’ll come back to fasting in a moment. Let me say that the idea of e5 originated for husbands - but it has spread to use by single men… and it is for women as well. There are so many reasons…. so many ways that society has brought about a loss of dignity in women; there has been a loss of the spiritual beauty that was seen in the creation story in the Garden of Eden. Remember Adam telling the Lord: This one…. this one at last is the one I have been waiting for; she is the one with whom I can be completely open… with her I will have no shame. This lack of ‘shame’ speaks of a beautiful intimacy that is so much to be prayed for. E5 Men invites us, married or single men to offer sacrifice at least once a month to make reparations for:

* Any abuses (by anyone) to the God-given dignity of wives
* Many e5 Men offer up one day of fasting for sisters, mothers, daughters, nieces, aunts, co-workers or women friends
* For the finding of a holy husband for our daughters, friends, and relatives (I particularly like this intention; my wife and I regularly pray for our granddaughters and their future spouses)
* For the intentions of Mary, the Mother of Jesus
* Past girlfriends - especially for healing from any harm we men may have caused
* For women who are considering or have participated in abortion and for the whole abortion issue to be resolved
* For women considering or involved with fornication, adultery, sterilization or contraception
* Women in pornography or wives of men who use pornography
* Consecrated celibate women
* Women or girls with eating disorders
* Women or girls abused by men

When you begin to see the many ways women have lost so much in the society that we live in – many of us can agree that there are good reasons to ‘sacrifice’ for their intention at least once a month… more if we can do it. Many who read this column may believe they can’t fast – that fasting is for ‘holy people.’ I admit that for some, fasting can be difficult. Surprisingly, it hasn’t been as tough as I thought it might be. And the results of doing this seem to be like magic – I feel ‘GRACES’ flowing into our marriage relationship. I truly believe my wife would say our marriage is better – far better. And fasting can be less than full-meal fasting. It can be giving up a stop at Starbucks, or not drinking coffee or soft drinks that day… go for what you can go for – and pray for the intention of the woman (or man) that you are ‘sponsoring.’ If any men are interested in trying sacrifices to honor and ‘lift up’ your wife (or some other woman in your life) – I ask you to go to www.e5men.org. There is a place to sign up for monthly reminders and for help in fasting or sticking with your program. If this is an idea that you’re unsure about, please pray and think about it. And if David and Allyson will allow a cross-plug here – my March column for Lisa Hendey’s great website: ( www.catholicmom.com ) is about the very issue of ‘lifting up women’ – resurrecting some of the beauty in our marriages. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for considering this. Thank you for any comments. Blessings. Deacon Tom. www.deacontomonline.com

CATHOLIC (FAMILY) LENTEN LIFE IS DIFFERENT

Hello and blessings! Deacon Tom with you again. What a continuing joy to have Jesus, the Catholic Faith, the Church and my wife and family in my life.  God has splashed me with blessings – those mentioned here – and of course, becoming a deacon has been (mostly) a great gift. So too, it is a blessing to have e-befriended David and Allyson and to be a part of Catholic Family Podcast. 

I wrote my first Catholic Family column last year – it was titled Catholic Family Life is Different. With a little bit of starter prayer, and in thinking about possible topics for this column, I decided to pose the topic you see above. I did this first and then thought I would see if I am guided in any ways for the words to support this topic.

As we have been setting up our new house (in Arizona) in recent months – one of the ‘joys’ we have is hanging pictures and other items. My lovely wife Dee wants things down lower – I seem to want them higher. It’s become a sort of joke that if we can sell a house, move to a new location, hang pictures and agree on where furnishings go – we are probably going to make it.

One of the new small items we put up on the wall at the entrance at our front door is a small sign: THIS IS A CATHOLIC HOME. There is also a crucifix and some palm branches. Anyone who enters or sees inside is able to tell where we are coming from. And – in fact – it just happened that a Jehovah’s Witness came to the door. He introduced himself and showed me a publication he was carrying. I courteously welcomed him and told him that I was a deacon in the Catholic Church, and that Jesus Christ was my Lord and Savior and that I loved my faith. I also said that his visit was an opportunity for me to pray for him and his congregation. He immediately said ‘thank you very much’ and left. No contest!

Somewhere in Scripture (I’m a little too lazy right now to look it up), it says something about being willing to give reason for your belief and faith. That, dear hearts leads me to the challenge for anyone who is interested to tackle this idea about a different form of Catholic Lent.

Yes, we’re probably all going to get ashes on our foreheads… and yes we will likely attend a parish reconciliation service… and maybe we’ll try to pray more or read some Scriptures or inspiring words. No disrespect intended. But – are you willing to make this Catholic Family Lenten Life different for you? Perhaps for your family?

What does the ‘deke’ mean when he says ‘make this Lent different?’ Well – what could you do that would ‘mark’ you for Lent – just the way that ashes mark you for one hour or one day? I don’t have the answer for you and you and you. But I do have some starter ideas to throw out.

Have you ever invited anyone over to your house to pray? In our previous community, we started a regular Rosary in the Home gathering. Anyone who wanted to come was welcome.

Nothing fancy – just Catholics coming together to pray. At the beginning, anyone that wanted to announce petitions and intercessions was welcome to do so. We would do the Rosary together – and later we added the Chaplet of Divine mercy. We were done in about 30-45 minutes. We would offer some store-bought cookies or something else easy to do. Yes I know this is Lent – but I’m trying to stretch us beyond candies and cookie type Lenten thinking. We’d offer coffee and tea – and we’d be done in about two hours. If you’ve never done anything like this – would you consider doing this once a week during Lent? Because Catholic Family Lenten Life is Different!

Do you have someone recently widowed in your community? Would you consider having them come for dinner? Or taking them out to breakfast? Would you be willing to take the kids by to meet an older person in the parish? Because Catholic Family Lenten Life is Different!

Have you gotten away from the regular practice of Confession – the Sacrament of Reconciliation? Has your busy life taken you from the rhythm of regular prayer time? Have you ever written letters of spiritual love and support for your pastor or your bishop? Have you ever sat down to plan your funeral? That may sound morbid – it isn’t. It’s beautiful and it’s realistic. And I mention a bunch of these ideas because Catholic Family Lenten Life ought to be different! My wife and I pray for you regularly. Blessings. Deacon Tom.  www.deacontomonline.com

HAPPY WIFE – HAPPY LIFE Or: Let’s Say Goodbye to the Bickersons in 2008

Hi dear friends of Catholic Family Podcast. Happy New Year and blessings. I hope you prayerfully and joyfully welcomed the Christ-child into your hearts and homes. And I send up a wish that we can find ways to draw closer to Him in 2008. And this quickly brings me to my topic for this e-column. [Please remember that I’m ‘neutral’ in what is going to unfold here. I’m neither Democrat nor Republican. I’m an Independent.]

Okay: Those of you who like Allyson, and think she’s lovely and that she should get more respect… more airtime… less nagging from David …. Please stand over here to my right…. (Pause)…. “Oh my gosh… Allyson – just look at all your supporters and fans…. Maybe you could consider doing your own show? And Allyson – if you need someone to manage your ‘fan club’ – please consider hiring a true ‘independent’ person, will you?”

Okay now: Those of you who think David is a charming leader and a sheer delight and should keep doing what he’s been doing to become one of the leading Catholic Podcasters – please stand over here on my left…. (Pause)…. “Well David – I think these few men (just a few beer-drinking men) standing here on the left – they’re just not representative of all your talents and skills. Some political candidates are having the same problem – so we’ll work together on your image, okay?”

Now back to Deacon Tom’s column.

Do you know who my favorite Podcasters are? Well of course it’s the Sweeneys…. And I’m not just saying that because they hired me as a very high-priced personal deacon – uh uh! I also love Greg and Jennifer. (Jennifer – I think Massa Greg picks on you far too much…) And I’m often I-tuned to Mac and Kathryn (and as a neutral observer, that show couldn’t continue if it wasn’t for her).

But guess what I’ve discovered about all of them? Those Catholic couples all ‘bicker’ back and forth – not just once in a blue moon, either. They do sound, at times like the husband and wife couple of years ago called the Bickersons. Did you ever listen to that couple?

On a recent Catholic Family Podcast (Episode 71, 12/14/07), I heard the Sweeney’s doing minor ‘fussing’ at each other… talking about their two-path, two-track lives… David going at Allyson (the ‘Princess’) a little bit about her not supporting his running – imagine Allyson focusing on her music and not first consulting with David about his plans for doing marathons. Oh – did I mention Allyson complaining about having to live some 14 years in a cramped house with no bathtub and her raising four kids … almost all by herself?

As I’ve said above – I’ve listened to Mac and Kathryn who could be the prototypes for the Bickersons. And poor, poor Jennifer – I bet people are praying on string rosary beads just for her to stick in that marriage… (… ? ). Well of course I am mostly exaggerating. But the purpose of my January Catholic Family Column is to discuss bickering. Is it natural that all of us married couples bicker?

\Is it possible to change? Change even a little? I wonder. I pray. Is it possible that we could forget New Year resolutions about weight or sweets? Those are New Year’s resolutions like we’ve made in past years? Could we consider adding a dimension of love and respect in our marriages that will blossom into more loving and respectful communications?

I tell you what brought this to mind. In the same episode of CFP mentioned above – David and Allyson were sharing about a family problem they have experienced (with Austin)… and thank you dear hearts for your openness. There was a brief discussion of Passive/ Aggressive Behavior. This is something we experienced in our child rearing as well. David is the (advanced-degree) expert about all of this stuff – but I began to wonder if our children might not be helped by parents trying to find ways to reduce the (slightly) negative words and themes that parents expose them to? I don’t know; I wonder?

When we were joined in the sacrament of marriage – there were promises to love AND HONOR all the days of our lives. Is ‘harmless’ bickering an indication that “I’m now taking you… or taking our marriage for granted?” Would our relationships be improved if we prayed together for the addition of more respect and less bickering in our day-to-day lives? (If you talk to my wife, she will probably want to know if I’ve signed up for this as well.) Would you be willing to consider – prayerfully consider adding this as a real New Year’s Resolution? Let me know what you think?
Blessings. Deacon Tom. www.deacontomonline.com

CATHOLIC FAMILY LIFE – LAS POSADAS

Hello Catholic Family Podcast listeners (and readers)! Blessings of Advent and the Christmas season before us. Last night, my wife and I attended the Saturday evening vigil Mass for the First Sunday in Advent. Our pastor, Fr. Bill prayed over the Advent wreath, Deacon Ed blessed it with holy water and a young acolyte lit the first purple candle. Shortly, we sang ‘O Come, O Come, Emmanuel’ and these first traditions ignited the beginning of the season of waiting and hope in my heart. Later, as my wife and I were about to sit down for dinner – Dee lit the Advent candle in our own wreath and I led us in a prayer asking the Lord to help usher in a new birth of Jesus in our hearts, our family and in our parish.

I love this time of year – I hope you do as well. I pray that you are not too stressed by all of the commercial and social things you have to accomplish. May you find time to start or repeat some of your own spiritual and holiday traditions. I’d like to share an experience that Dee & I had some years ago when we visited a Madonna House in Winslow, Arizona. Let me explain about Las Posadas and you’ll get a glimpse of what we did there.

There is a tradition in Mexico called Las Posadas. There can be variations on how it is done – but the most common begins nine days before Christmas. These nine days symbolize the time it took for Mary and Joseph to travel from Nazareth to Bethlehem.

For each of the nine days, the experience of Joseph and Mary looking for lodging at the inns of Bethlehem is reenacted. Participants are divided into two groups who are the ‘pilgrims’ and the ‘innkeepers.’ Pilgrims go from ‘house to house’ (or room to room in your home) carrying light candles and singing requests for a room. (This can be done with your own musical ‘creation’ or I’m sure you can find words of a song that begs to be let in and given a room for shelter.) At every ‘inn’ or house the innkeepers refuse the pilgrims. “No – no go away, into the night for we have no room for you at this inn!” This can be done dramatically or it can be done in song…. On Christmas Eve, the pilgrims are welcomed in at last. They enter and everyone joins in singing a joyful carol. Children (and many adults) love this festive teaching idea. Children are great at enacting what is part of our Biblical understanding of Christ being shut out. And it often forms a tradition that will endure for years and years – perhaps into generations in families. Dad can be in one room and gruffly says ‘go away for there is no room.’ Mom can be in another room and she sweetly sings ‘go away because it is too late and I can’t open the door.’ You can ‘write your own songs or script as you wish.

At this time of year, we hear so much: just listen to the cacophony when we enter a mall or mega store. We have so many things that keep us busy and distracted. Yet, during Advent – there is recognition for many that we have places in the heart where Christ is shut out… where he is refused a ‘room.’ And yet, He is the Reason for the Season as the saying goes.

If you are creative – you may wish to script all of this yourself. Of you can find resources (library, Christian booksellers, the Internet). Traditional ways this has been done include a child dressed as an angel who leads, followed by children carrying figures of Mary and Joseph. Boys and girls dressed in silver and gold robes constitute the procession, followed by the adults. I’ve sort of set up the early part of this column as a private family tradition. But you can see that you could involve a whole neighborhood or parish community.

When Dee and I visited the Winslow community – they had a real donkey and a young woman was selected to ride on it while accompanied by a young man with a beard – Joseph of course. This ‘poor’ community celebrated this tradition with great joy and spirit. At the end of Las Posadas – they gathered in a small chapel – prayed and sung for a bit and then they had a potluck dinner. It was wonderful.

Perhaps you could discuss with your pastor some aspect of Las Posadas in your parish. Children ‘get it.’ And parents enjoy the family aspect of preparing for Christ’s coming once again. Whatever you do – I ask you to consider touching the roots of our faith and preparing your family to experience Christ once again as the Child who changed the entire world.

Finally – as a continuation of a gift idea that I discussed in November – I have a small number of books called LIVING THE CATHOLIC FAITH by Archbishop Charles Chaput.
It’s a small, easy to read book that would make for wonderful Christmas and New Year reading. Please send an email to us@catholicfamilypodcast.com and give your name and address. The first ones to do so will receive a Christmas gift from David and Allyson and Deacon Tom.

Blessings. A holy Advent and a merry Christmas.
Deacon Tom
www.deacontomonline.com

Hello! Once again, it is a blessing to be with you in this Catholic Family venue. When I signed up to work and minister with (and for) David and Allyson – one of the promises I made to them was to pray for them… to lift them and their family in prayer. My wife and I would become ‘prayer warriors’ for them. It isn’t something we do casually. We try to remember these commitments – and to follow through on them. [And as a sidenote – if you’d like to see a full length Sunday Homily about this topic of praying for others – I invite you to go to my http://www.deacontomonline.com website. Look at the homily for 102107 – the 29th Sunday in Ordinary Time.] But, I digress.

Okay – were you perhaps drawn into the title for this month’s column? Who in the world would want to ‘adopt cancer’ into their life? This idea came from former White House Press Secretary, Tony Snow. And whatever your politics, I ask you to pray for Tony and his family as he is struggling with a very serious form of cancer. I don’t want to drag us down, but Tony gives us a lesson on living our faith as if there’s no tomorrow. Here’s something he recently shared:

“The moment you enter the Valley of the Shadow of Death, things change. You discover that Christianity is not something doughy, passive, pious, and soft. Faith may be the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. But it also draws you into a world shorn of fearful caution. The life of belief teems with thrills, boldness, danger, shocks, reversals, triumphs, and epiphanies.

Think of Paul, traipsing though the known world and contemplating trips to what must have seemed the antipodes (Spain), shaking the dust from his sandals, worrying not about the morrow, but only about the moment.”

This is what I often pray for – this is something I often preach about. It’s what the late and great John Paul II talked about – it’s a lived faith rather than a one-hour-a-week faith. And if you read my Catholic Family column last month – you may see a theme emerging. It is my prayer that you, and you, and you and you – that we find ways to begin to live our faith as if it was the greatest gift we ever received. Let it not take cancer or addiction or family crisis to experience this gift. And the more we take off the wrapping paper – the greater the gift becomes. We find that our Catholic faith isn’t doughy or pious or soft. Because this faith is useable… it is helpful… it gives purpose and meaning to our lives… and in turn, that gives these same gifts to the children in our lives. And faith is, like Tony Snow said, something to deal with that which is mysterious… it will give us things to contemplate… it will teach us of the brokenness of humanity even in the Church. But it will give us a growing understanding of God’s abiding presence in our lives each and every moment. And isn’t it ironic – this is what the Jews knew a thousand years before Christ? They knew that the one, true God was with them at all times … well almost all times. One of the times they thought He wasn’t with them was when they had a form of cancer – they called it leprosy. Many now see Biblical leprosy as a form of serious sin.

Dear Catholic Family listeners and readers, there is a great book that is easy to read. It is from Archbishop Charles Chaput. The book is titled “Living the Catholic Faith.” (Servant Books, St. Anthony Messenger Press)

We used this book in our parish Lenten Small Groups a few years ago. Most everyone agreed that it is challenging, well written and it is practical. I hope to share a few thoughts from that book in the future.  And if David and Allyson are ‘listening’ to this column, I’d like to offer free copies of Archbishop Chaput’s book to the first four people who send the Sweeneys an email at us [at]  catholicfamilypodcast [dot] com

Simply request a copy of Living The Catholic Faith as mentioned by Deacon Tom – giving your mailing information to David and Allyson.

Meanwhile – we are heading into the Thanksgiving Season. I give thanks to God for faith, for the Church, for the Sacraments, and for my marriage and our own family. And will you join me in prayer, thanking God for David and Allyson and their family? If you do join me in that prayer – maybe my wife and I can take a few days off praying for them. You think? Maybe we can pray for your needs? Well, of course you’d have to let me know what’s going on in your life. Yikes – we’re going to be busy. Happy Thanksgiving. Blessings.

Deacon Tom

http://www.deacontomonline.com

Hello and blessings! My name is Deacon Tom, and I’m so pleased to be a new part of the Catholic Family ‘effort.’ I don’t know David and Allyson personally just yet. I found them as so many folks have found good Catholic programming on the Internet. In my case, it was through SQPN. A thirteen-year old grandson sold me an IPOD device. It took months to get around to learning how to use it – but now I’m hooked on the SQPN family of Podcasts.

By way of a first-column introduction, I am a Catholic Deacon, ordained by the wonderful Archbishop Charles Chaput in Denver. Following an assignment in an awesome Colorado mountain town, Estes Park, my wife (Dee) and I came to a decision to move closer to one of our family members. We have a daughter and son-in-law and three granddaughters living in Scottsdale, Arizona. So, Dee and I are in the process of moving to Arizona – Payson, specifically. More on that at a later time.

Enough personal information for now. Why do I have a column here? How did it come to be that David and Allyson were willing to let me start this? Do you think it was because we buttered them up? Told them what fans we were of the Catholic Family Podcast? That we liked them as much as we like Blue Bell ice cream (remember that show)? Or perhaps, could it be that we were touched by the gentle experience and holiness of being ‘with them’ when they renewed their wedding vows in Church?
I guess the answer is yes, yes, yes and yes. Ever since we started listening, the Sweeneys have seemed like a nice, Catholic family that we’d like to know better. And if you listen to the shows… if you listen between the lines – you may come to recognize as I have, that Catholic family life is different for them – it’s internal. It’s a part of who they really are. As a married deacon – this is something we’ve tried to manifest in our life. And it is something that I’ve tried to promote as a ‘message’ for those that I preach to. How will we Catholics be ‘known?’ Certainly, Scripture says we’ll be known by our love. But other faith families are loving too. Is there something else that will make us different as families?

Catholicism ought to be a part of what we are as couples… what we do and what we share with the world. David and Allyson are among a group of Catholic ‘broadcasters’ who are sharing day-to-day Catholic faith in action. They are serious about their faith – and yet they can be a little ‘strange.’

But their Catholic faith is manifest in their evangelization effort. It is manifest in the way they seem to live their lives. And so it should be for all of us. A woman who is a spiritual mentor in the Colorado Mountains near us once said to me, “You ought to be able to recognize a Catholic home the minute you enter it.” She said these words as she gifted us with a beautiful crucifix that now hangs on the wall by our front door. And behind the cross is a large palm branch left over from Passion Sunday.

So for my first ‘chaplain’s column’ – I would like to issue this call to reflection and possibly action. How can we be a little more ‘different’ in our family lives? How can we be ‘more Catholic?’

By the way, there is another Catholic family with the name Sweeney. They happen to live in Colorado. They aren’t related to David and Allyson (that I know of). They have a website which is fun… a bit zany. This picture is the ‘front door’ to their website (http://sweeneyland.com/). I’m not promoting their message or approach. But what is interesting is this: they are Catholic and it shows in the images of what they project to others.
Blessings. Love. May the Lord bless you and your family.

Deacon Tom
Fall, 2007

http://www.deacontomonline.com/